So I’m a compulsive planner – literally.
I write my grocery lists out in order of how they are located in the store (and will even adjust based on the layout of which Walmart I’m going to). I re-write my to-do lists in the order of how they should be done that day. I iron clothes for myself and my son a week prior based on events, weather, etc. I plan out my budget down to the bag of Laffy Taffy’s that I purchase every other Friday from the Dollar Store. I plan out every moment of my vacations, including tentative naps and lounge time. I plan out my Children’s Sunday School lessons, down to the amount of time I’ll allow for prayer. Yea, I know, it’s a little much lol. And God forbid, “my plan” for the day gets thwarted in any way, shape, or fashion – I’m thrown off completely! I get anxious, stressed and frustrated!
However, lately I have been learning to be more spontaneous and most of all to allow room for God’s “planning” in my life. It was in the midst of devotions one morning recently, that God spoke to me and said “you can’t plan everything, you have to leave room for me to work in your life”. Now we all know that having a plan or making plans is never a bad thing. However, what we often fail to do is to include God in our plans.
I’m planning to move to a new apartment within the next 3-6 months and that planning process has turned into me planning the next decade of my life! I didn’t just map out furniture and décor, I’ve started trying to plan where my son will play basketball or ride his bike. How much will I have free in my budget each month to save towards my next overseas vacation or cruise? What online courses should I start taking to get a better paying job to be able to move into a house 5 years from now? What part-time work can I do now for some extra cash? Should I start a fund for my future grandchildren (mind you, my only son is currently just 10 years old)? Do I want to go sky-diving for my 40th birthday (3+ years away)? Where do I want to move to once my son goes off to college? Do I still want to get that personal trainer certification? This was all on my “things needed for the move” list! LOL
Ever since I was kid, my mind has always gone a mile a minute and I often think of what feels like thousands of things at once! I think, and think, and think and think, and then I get anxious, overwhelmed, and eventually a headache of frustration. I’m just now learning at 36 years old, that I need to do less thinking and planning and more praying and trusting in God. I keep a pocket bible and devotional handy at work, in my car, in my purse and at home so that no matter where I am, if I ever start to get an onslaught of compulsive anxious thoughts, I go straight to His Word to shift my focus and then once my mind calms down, I immediately start praying. Sometimes I’ll just keep reading a verse out loud over and over until it sinks in and resonates with my soul.
Through this, God has been teaching me, slowly but surely, to continue planning while surrendering my plans to Him for approval, change or denial based on His Will for my life. The thing is, God’s plan is always the best plan for me, even though I don’t always realize it at first. After all, God already knows our future and has already mapped out the “ultimate plan” for our lives. We just need to sit back sometimes and let that plan unfold.